I was reading my prayer journal and something struck me. A year ago, at a very dark and frustrating period of my life, I had asked God what He wanted me to do. What can I do that would be inspiring and helpful to others? Little did I know that He would spark this fire in me to start the library and now that it is a success, I cannot help but be amazed at His power and touch. I am also amazed at the way I feel about community work. A few years ago, if someone were to ask me to do it, I would not have been ready to commit because I had too much personal hurdles and dreams. Yet, when God calls, He would also give you the strength to do it. When we submit to His will, He is able to use us in a powerful way. And you would enjoy every minute of it knowing that you are in His will. I am not saying that there were no heartaches in setting up of the library. There are many hurdles to cross but God just eases it along the way,the right people to donate, the right books, the right members...the right time....
A year ago, I also gave to God my broken dreams. Having applied for Guru Cemerlang for a few times and failed due to one thing or another, I was at the end of the rope, hanging on for dear life. Having won so many awards and done so many things, what else do I need to do? Everyone was also disappointed. A stint as the acting Head of Dept also did not materialise into anything. Truly a dark and disappointing time. My friends sympathised with me, some look upon me as a victim of the system, of biasness. Dare I asked what was God thinking? I had to regroup, rethink about my career and get new directions from God. I told the Lord that if it is not for me, then He would just have to help me move on and continue to do what I do best. It finally dawned on me that all things work together for good to them that love God (Rom 8:28) and it meant that my disappointments are meant for my good. It will work out. I finally told Him that it is okay with me if I do not get my promotions. But, I told Him that I still would want to be able to share with other teachers and people, to do what I am good at. At that time, I did not know that He would provide me with plenty of opportunities to run courses again in 2010. He is truly amazing. Offers to speak and run courses continue to flow, till I have to say 'no'. And the most amazing thing is, I have the peace that passes all understanding. A year ago, I was struggling and kicking, today, I am resting in my Saviour's arms, knowing that He has my future in His hands and I do not need to be afraid. What can man do to me?
